Monday, March 4, 2013

REAL TALK: LOVE


I've been thinking a lot about what it means to be with someone in a loving, comitted relationship. I have come to the conclusion that it is wonderful, terrifying, comfortable, gratifying, happy, and HARD. It is hard. The idea that you can choose to be with someone who is totally different than you in a million ways and completely the same as you in other ways is both awesome and really difficult.

As a child of divorced parents, I am very honest about what I want in my life. I want to have a good marriage to a man I love and have a family with him.

I am also honest about my biggest fear: getting divorced.

So thousands of people do it every day. Yes. I know that if I got divorced I would survive. And let me preface these thoughts by saying that I love my family very deeply. I love my mom and dad and my step mom who has been a part of my life since I was 3 years old. I would not be the same if my parents hadn't separated and I am proud of the woman I have become. I love my life and wouldn't trade it.

But there were things that were hard growing up and it was hard for all of my parents as well. I've talked to a lot of people, priests, therapists, bloggers, and family members about what it means to create a good marriage. I am still scared every day that I will fail. I am no where close to being married yet - but I know that it is something that I want to do and am willing to work hard for it.

At a recent mass, Father Clement gave a beautiful homily about what it means to choose someone as a partner and a spouse. He said that it isn't about finding the right person. It's 1% the right person and 99% hard work. He also explored the idea that when you marry your spouse you are promising them love and that you will do everything in your power to create a loving environment for him to be the best person he can be. And he for you. And when both people create that environment and are their best selves.... well that sounds like my dream.

3 comments

  1. Great post! I totally agree. I wrote a post on Valentine's day about finding "the one".

    I don't believe there is only one person who can make you happy. But falling in love with someone and wanting to make it work with that one person is the real deal. It is hard, but you have to remind yourself daily why you are committed to each other.

    I told my husband when we got married divorce is not an option for me. Of course, every circumstance and person is different. But, I think if more people took their vows truly believe in them and understanding the significance of them, there would be a lot less divorce.

    Just my two cents! :)

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  2. I think that divorce is a lot about happiness or instant gratification, marriage makes people happy but takes work and divorce often times is the easy way out. Also going into marriage with realistic expectations of life is very important. Don't fear divorce, just vow that you will put in your full effort into making it work and only then if it fails will you accept it


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  3. Thank you for these thoughtful comments. I really appreciate your sincere responses.

    It's funny that the thing I want the most is what I'm most afraid of, but that probably means it's worth the effort you put in!

    I love the ideas of reminding yourself daily why you are committed and remembering that marriage takes work!

    Thank you ladies!

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