Thursday, April 11, 2013

REAL TALK: ACCOMPLISHMENT


Ok team, earlier this week I had one of those days where I seemed to have a thousand things that I needed to do but I wasn’t getting any of them done. The entire day was a struggle. I felt like I was fighting myself.
The longer I thought about it the more anxious I became and suddenly my stomach was upset and I felt worthless. As I was typing a tweet about how I had been a worthless person and hadn’t accomplished much, I stopped suddenly and thought to myself, “What the heck am I doing?”
I AM NOT A WORTHLESS PERSON! Why would I think that just because I wasn’t as productive as I might have otherwise been on a different day? It’s crazy talk. I am worth a lot.
But the trick is to remember that I am worth a lot even when I am not accomplishing anything.
Those who know me well are aware that I have a hard time relaxing. It’s not easy for me. I sit on the couch to watch TV and I feel like I should be editing photos, painting my nails, or folding laundry.
So on Monday night, when I was singing a solo for my karaoke team, I should have been enjoying the opportunity. Instead, I was OBSESSED with painting a shirt so that I would look like Taylor Swift in her video
Now there is nothing wrong with getting excited about a costume, but the problem I was experiencing was that I wasn’t enjoying it. It’s odd but sometimes I have to remind myself that what I’m doing isn’t actually stressful. Karaoke is about drinking and singing and being with friends. It’s not about being nervous or feeling anxious about my upcoming performance.
I don’t think everyone has a natural tendency to assume that EVERYTHING is a big deal, but I do. It’s important to know this about myself because the second I stop producing / accomplishing / doing, I lose my sense of self-worth. This is a big problem that I’m working on fixing.
Even at rest, it’s important to remember that you are awesome. It’s ok not to be the best at everything. I am telling myself this more and more. Because in the past I have nearly killed myself to be the best at things I don’t even remember now. How crazy is that?
My goal is to continue to be motivated but not to stress about the smaller things or the things that are intended to be leisure activities. (You should have seen how obsessed I was with cleaning before FEASTer dinner – and that was something I planned for fun!)
It’s hard to feel ok with yourself with everyone tweeting and blogging and being awesome all up in your face.
I’m here to tell you that it’s ok to relax and just sit on the couch without doing anything else.  That in itself is accomplishing something, you’re taking care of you!

2 comments

  1. I have a hard time relaxing too, so I can definitely relate to this!

    Some Snapshots Blog
    Jess

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  2. This is so great!! It's true- often, just kicking back and doing nothing is actually a big achievement. Yay you for putting yourself first! :) x

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